Tuesday, November 1

Checking in

It's been a long time since I've done any socializing, blogging or anything else. I've buried myself in work. Fortunately, there was a lot of work that needed to be done so I was making some progress on that front while I was waiting to get energy for the rest of my life.

My nephew has moved back out after four or five months. He was doing so well but keeps trying to make the old relationship work. It was nice having him here but next time, I think I'll come up with another way of helping him without having him move in. I have a tendency to forget to take care of me.

It's been six months since Dan's passing so I guess it's natural that I'm starting to come around. I visited the doctor last week (after putting it off for a couple months, dreading getting yelled at) and found that all of my heart-related numbers are good. She suggested that I spend the next three months thinking about what I want things to look like and then, next dr visit, we'll come up with a plan for getting me back on track. Something about getting a 3-month pass that energized me. I started thinking of how good it would feel to show a bit of weight loss when I go back in January.

Tonight I'm going to a friend's house to celebrate my birthday (the one that was in July) so I guess I'm starting to come around. And, over the week-end, I started cleaning out a storage room, defrosted the freezer, and started sorting through Christmas decorations. And I looked up a guy on Facebook, a guy from high school who had emailed me a couple years ago. Gotta say, he's cute still at 62 and looks rather cuddly. Hmmm.

Just thinking before hitting publish. My thought is that I had trouble letting go of Dan when he was going in and out of recovery, even after he moved out. And grieving can also be a way of holding on, more than just getting over the loss. So I'm going to work on managing my thoughts. Look forward. Think forward. Plan ahead. Give the rear-view mirror a rest.