Checking in

Today was a good day. I got up early (before the heat reached 103 degrees) and weeded some flower beds. Nothing like that for making a person feel better.

And then my nephew and I went to church. (I think I mentioned earlier that he's moved back in with me.) Neither of us had done that in awhile so we each did it for the other. Was nice, calming, centering. Felt good to do something new and something for each other.

I'm focusing on helping my nephew get acquainted with St. Louis and concentrating on creating a routine for us. So guess it goes without saying that I'm feeling much better. Taking steps.

Have a great week!

Day trippin'

I love me a little day trip now and then.

So after my Saturday weigh-in at Weight Watchers, where I found that I lost 4 lbs. last week, I decided to celebrate by taking my big sister on a little day trip down to the Blue Owl Restaurant in Kimmswick, Missouri. Just take a look at the pies! Ok, so not the wisest of all choices but it was a relaxing drive and, if my estimation is correct, I'll have worked off all the calories in a year or two! The lunch was seriously delicious.



Then my sister suggested we stop at the Sisters of Mercy retreat center to take a walk. It was amazing. (That's their photo, not mine.) About 70 acres of fields and trees with paths. We didn't walk around the whole thing but walked for a couple of hours. Sat on benches now and then. Was lovely, quiet, and peaceful.

I told her about a book I've been reading, The Art of Possibility, and how it suggests that you can recreate a relationship, if you wish, by recognizing that you created the original one so you can create another one, one that works better for both. I probably wouldn't have told her that if we'd gone shopping after lunch. Something about walking through the fields reminded me of home and made me think that we can remember our old selves but still choose to be different than before.

Was a really nice day. And, without planning to do so, I met several of my goals for the week all at once. Walking, meditating, expressing an emotion outside my comfort zone, and spending time with a friend.

A good day. I hope you've had a good one, too.

Be still my heart

What good is a still heart? Reason I've been thinking about that is that my stress test showed that I've actually had a heart attack sometime in my life. Sounds strange, but apparently it's not uncommon for people to have one yet not know it.

I've got some meds to take and need to exercise more slowly and lose weight faster than I'd been doing. While at first I was afraid to go to sleep for fear I wouldn't wake up, I've come to see that the only thing that's changed in the last couple of weeks is that I'm now in touch with reality. Information is power, yes?

That news came just in time for me to commit to my 2nd set of mini-goals for the next 15 weeks. They're "very mini" because these are in addition to my original mini-goals and I'm still practicing fitting a fuller life into a work week.

My additional goals for 3/23/10 to 7/6/10:

• Physical: Working in the yard 10 minutes, 3 times weekly
• Social: Either have a friend over or participate in a church or community social activity 2 times monthly
• Emotional: Express a feeling, where expressing it is out of my comfort zone, 1 time weekly
• Intellectual: Investigate alternatives for becoming credentialed in my field, researching 1 alternative a week
• Spiritual: Meditate for 10 minutes, 2 times weekly

I'm really enjoying the process of changing in small steps. Typically, I'd have waited until the weekend when there's more time to work in the yard but by puttering a bit last evening, I discovered the first blooms on the groundcover. A little reward hidden in the leaves.

Here's to making each week a bit more interesting than the last!

Enjoy

The thing I love most about spring: the bright yellow daffodils and, um, Rubbermaid mop buckets. You're thinking I've lost it, right?

In my quest to become more active and social, I've started participating in activities that present themselves to me as opposed to reading about them and thinking, "Wish I had the time." Thing is, I have the time. The time is steady. The thing that changes is what I do with it.

Because I work at a faith-based health organization, there are a lot of discussions about spirituality, wellness, etc. that I've usually avoided but am now finding are full of thoughts that support me in the process of change. Such as this thought from a paper on servant-leadership from the Greenleaf Center:

James Hillman, in The Soul's Code: In Search of Character and Calling, describes the "invisible source of personal consistency, for which I am using the word "habit," psychology today calls character. Character refers to deep structures of personality that are particularly resistant to change."

I tend to think of character as reflected in decisions of morality but expanding that view to include "habit" somehow elevates the mundane.

I've started paying more attention to the details of my life: laundry, dusting, polishing, vacuuming. Finding ways to enjoy doing them, whether it's listening to music, or adding new scents or polishes, or finding that bright yellow beauty (not being sarcastic, I love it!): a Rubbermaid mop bucket on wheels. With a bright blue mop that you wring out. And Green cleaner that smells just clean, nothing stronger than clean.

Somehow, spending just an hour puttering, cleaning, in one room or another each morning or night, makes me feel better. Cleaner rooms, refreshed thoughts, more productive habits, stronger character. I'm starting to see how all of those are linked.

I hope you enjoy your day!

Working on it

My life, that is. It's getting better. And spring isn't even here yet!

A few months ago, after Thanksgiving, I started working with a counselor to help me find a balance in my life. My teeter-totter was all teeter. I was so stuck. My counselor's thought was that I had "learned depression" or a belief that I couldn't change my life, a belief learned through setting stretch goals and then not reaching them.

She suggested that I set goals in each area of life since I'd defined my problem as not having a balanced life, not having a life really. The only requirement was that the goals be small, things that would involve one step each week for 15 weeks. My 15 weeks are up mid-March, at which point I'll set 5 more goals.

I started out this way:

• Physical: taking 2 walks a week of 3,000 steps each
• Emotional: calling 2 friends each week
• Intellectual: writing a book for 10 minutes twice a week
• Social: visiting a church 2 times a month to develop a sense of community
• Spiritual: volunteering in some way

Now, for those of you who, you know, have lives, that list probably seems weird, but for awhile it was so hard to find time from working (10-hour days) and sitting (CSI, Dancing, Letterman, anyone?) to fit all of those activities in.

But now I've gotten better at setting priorities at work, walking away from it. I started walking through malls and furniture stores but now have joined the Y. I reconnected with my two sisters and a best friend that I'd lost track of. Have found a couple churches that feel good. And have researched ways of helping a young person transitioning out of foster care. I'm applying to be a mentor but might just tutor, to start with, remembering that small steps are better.

Oh, and I started writing a book, one I'd always intended to write, about a long-lost relationship with the ex who done me wrong. So I wrote two chapters -- the intro and the ending -- because I so didn't want to go backward. Now I'm thinking of a new story to tell. Might be about a woman in late-mid life who grows up to be herself...

Smiling at me. You gotta love yourself, you know?

xox